When I'm in town, I go to this place called The Palace. It's good for the first part, hookers. But that's not to say I can't get laid. I can, quite effortlessly and by women of high caliber. It's just...who doesn't need a tasteless fuck from time to time.
The Palace is like an apartment building - four floors, 10 rooms per floor. You go to a room, discuss the terms of use with the tenant -- handy, blow or fuck and off you go. Most of the rooms are themed, that's to say the hookers make each their own. Eastern Europeans in the sex biz know home decor.
Excellent establishment. Full Durban stamp.
The only problem with The Palace is that I only go when I'm flying -- on the fringe of out of control. The only other problem is that it's easy to score blow in Prague, in high quantities. Something about the market, the lagging transfer rate...it means I go to The Palace quite often.
While we're on problems, let's talk about mine and that I come with a qualifying trust fund. See, before my father died, he knew me enough to know I'm a fuck up. This he declared on many occasions. He left me nets along the way...meaning that on my birthday every year, I would come into about a quarter of a million dollars. It always happens sometime in the first quarter...mid February. And by December, I'm usually broke as fuck, stuck somewhere far from home. Three Decembers ago, I was in Prague. Freezing fucking ass cold Prague. I was there because I was chasing this girl, this model you've seen in dozens of mags, because I was swooned. She literally spent 65,000 of my USD's in 8 days. 8 fucking days. She left to shoot in Bermuda when I was in semi-coma, left me with 400 dollars and a half key of coke.
The only way for me to get out of Prague was to sell it. I had to get out of Prague. I had to sell it.
So I go to this address on Zlata -- room 6. That's all I remember about it. The abandoning bitch told me about a guy who told me about a guy who sent me to Zlata. Okay, so at this point, I had never unloaded anywhere near this much narcotic volume. I was fucking scared. Eastern European men are fucking scary. I didn't have a gun, but decided I needed to bring something in with me in case things got hairy. On the way, as I was walking, I found a rusted hammer lying on the side of the road. For some reason, I decided it to suffice.
I got to the address, walked in the gate as someone walked out and climbed up to the 6th floor. Rooms 6-1 to 6-7 aligned. At the end of the hall, I found room 6, knocked on the door, relieved to find this little fucking weasel on the other end. He spoke shitty English, but well enough for me to understand and called himself The Baron. This part I remember clearly because when he told me, I remember a band of snot flying from my nose as I fought to self-contain.
He was shaking, hopped on something. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks, all 40 some pounds of him. I could have literally thrown him across the room with my cock. Literally.
But he started acting bizarre. In hindsight, I believe it's because he had Turrets, but at the time, he was only acting bizarre. I started to think back to that scene in Scarface with the chainsaw and ambush and watching my brother getting carved to pieces, his blood and guts flying all over my face...me not closing my mouth -- and the stuff going in my mouth. I didn't have a fucking brother. It didn't fucking matter. These emotions transfer. He was pacing and yelping. I was coming down and freaking out. He put the cash on the table and reached into his pants when it happened. I swung that hammer clear into The Baron's teeth...
There's a very distinct sound that happens when you clear out a man's teeth with a rusted hammer, like breaking through an egg shell -- soft, delicate, yet there's enough fortitude there to actually give the metal of the hammer a slight ring. Unbelievable. I stood over The Baron as he curled on the floor, weeping. I said I was sorry, that I thought he was going for a chainsaw. He went into shock. I called him an ambulance, took the money, left the coke, left half the money and got the fuck out of that country.
