That was it, almost everything. He said don't tell me where you are, then that something of a dramatic turn of events is fast approaching. Then he said it again, exactly, I need you ready for what's coming. Burn hasn't been acting like himself lately, which I suppose isn't much of a surprise, seeing as we have never had the luxury of occupying the same space long enough to find legitimate understandings of one another. I love him because he is there, somewhere, always...and years ago, when I didn't know I was capable of saying the thing I am about to say, that I need him there, I needed someone there. I hate him because his push is relentless, so fucking relentless it would put me down if I tried to explain...because he's asking for a million words before we can even begin. One million words. Before. We. Even. Fucking. Begin. I need to put myself down.
I am far away and feel far away, so distant from everything I know or knew in the world, for a time long enough that when I do return to wherever it is I return to, everything will have changed. Please. I don't know what I am doing, specifically now or ever to be completely honest, only that I have committed to a cause I must now see through to the end. Words are leaving me, thousands at a time, a need to express what I never knew was inside of me, needing to fight the world, to piss on the face of it and offer no apologies, to destroy the ramparts designed to protect it from voice like mine. I find myself laughing about it and often, how we ever found a place in this world together, my boy and I...how we will ever continue to find a place in this world together. I am turning into something new entirely. Every day that thought crosses my mind - not something better, goodness fucking no. It's more like this - I am evolution. I am the definition by which these generations of our species, past and present, will later be judged. I am moving through the world, leaving stains on it, not waiting around to watch my caused flowers bloom. I am here but I am not. I am at the far end of the world, alone. My designs are both necessary and intentional. I am in complete control. I have never been able to say that before in my life. Some days here, I look out onto the world and can see it fitting into my hand. I am not delusional. Actually, far from it. The world will fear me. They should. I will be like nothing that has ever come.
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